The Conversation

I don’t know how else to cope. I know it’s not healthy, I know it’s bad, I know I “shouldn’t” — but sometimes the thoughts get too loud and I just need something to shut them up. It’s not about dying. It’s about quiet. It’s about control. It’s about finally feeling something when everything else feels numb and far away. And then afterward I feel disgusting. Guilty. Ashamed. But at least for a few seconds, the chaos stops. I want to stop. I really do. But nobody sees how hard it is to fight it every day when your own brain is the enemy. I’m not asking for attention. I’m asking for peace.