The Conversation

I swear to god, dogs are overrated as hell. Everyone acts like they’re these pure little gifts from heaven, but they’re loud, needy, disgusting animals half the time. Why do they bark like lunatics at absolutely NOTHING? You know how many times I’ve thought someone was breaking into my house just to find out my dog was losing its mind over a squirrel farting three blocks away? And the way they destroy everything—shoes, couches, doors, the drywall—like you can spend thousands of dollars fixing your home just for them to tear it up again with their razor teeth and stupid claws. Oh, and let’s not forget the piss and shit. “Oh, he’s just a puppy!” Yeah, well this “puppy” just painted my carpet brown and I’m the idiot scrubbing it out at midnight with tears in my eyes. Dogs aren’t angels. They’re chaos wrapped in fur. And the cult of dog worshippers who act like they’re better than people? You’re insane. These things eat cat shit and then try to lick your face. Enough said.