The Conversation

I'm sick and tired of being a perfectionist, especially as an artist. I always work so slow and feel worthless if I don't make it the way it wants to be. I especially fucking hate when in art class I have to replicate some stupid shit. We're currently doing our hands holding an object of our choice, and my art teacher said that manufactured items have to look identical to the real thing. What's worse is that I brought 3 objects so ***I*** could choose which one I liked the most in the picture, but without fucking communicating, SHE FUCKING PICKED ONE FOR ME. AND IT WAS THE HARDEST ONE TOO (the object was an SMG3 Animatez if you're curious). WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT I MISSED 4 DAYS OF SCHOOL DUE TO BEING SICK, AND I'M BEHIND AS HELL.
I feel fucking worthless because I can't draw it right. I fucking hate the feeling of failure, especially after last year in school (currently a Junior in high school BTW, so this is Sophomore year) where my mental health slipped to an all time low and I failed or almost failed a lot of my classes out of stress. Hell, I almost committed LITERAL FUCKING SUICIDE and SH'd myself because of how bad it was. But guess what? MY SCHOOL BARELY FUCKING CARED. And any time I spoke out about how I felt, I was sent to the counselor's office where they'd basically do jack shit except pull me out of class to ask me about it, and then sweep it under the rug afterwards. Now due to that horrible ass year, my fear of failure has fucking spiked to its limit. I used to look forward to art class, but now I currently fucking dread it. I want to go ask my counselor about switching to a different class for now and then returning to Drawing and Painting 2 for semester 2. I know they're going to say no, so I'm trapped at this point. There's nowhere else for me to run or hide.

I want to give up. I want to drop out, but society won't let me. Without a high school diploma, I can't do what I want, which is eventually working for an indie studio as some kind of artist. I'm nothing without a high school diploma.
At this point, I just want to roll up and die.