What is something that should not be normal?

The past...Is breaking me. I shouldn't have done it. But I did. Because it is where I met my ex Chinese girlfriend whose intelligence was just pure light and holy. But enough about that. They don't do Reiki which got us two together before, and it seems about, though I gotta see if I have the strength to, or if I even feel like it in my life...Anyway, they took away alot of stuff, alot of people left, and now it's just Yoga. And they stopped Spanish service because of ICE. I just can't...

Jag önskar mig att han var min far. Närsomhelst jag återvänder till skolan så påminnas jag hur stor en del är saknade av mitt liv. Jag tänker på att ge upp krediten och att ta hans klass bara för att tysta smärtan inuti. Jävla löjligt. Det aldrig ta slut.

You get pleasure from reading your Bible so all bibles must now be banned according to your logic.

I was supposed to schedule surgery months ago but they havent called me back yet so i've just been trying to put it off. I know this will bite my ass in the long run. Haven't had luck at all with phone calls lately, especially when I can't hear people on the other end very good. On top of my escort refusing to acknowledge I dont want to be recorded while im on the wacky gas. Just doesn't feel safe at all.

Went to my moms house to do laundry and take a hot shower without the audience of my pets and I was about to get in, thought I heard the washer machine messing up, went "oh nobody's home I won't put on a towel or anything" HER FUCKIIIIIIING CLEANING LADY JUST SAW ME IN MY BIRTHDAY SUIT CAN I DIE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

The most funny one is how the lawyers of where I used to work and got laid off after a well deserved good effort full court press by my ex supervisor who karma should really take her life in one way or another, NONE of them washed their hands, even when they would exclaim, as if no one was in the restroom with them, they had shit on their hands. These fuckers earned a range of $150K-$200K. Thinking their shit don't stink and is healthier than a blue collar washing his hands. True arrogance!!!

Three years. Two thousand bucks. Doctors, banding, “treatments.” Still can’t take one decent shit without fire ripping through my ass. Six trips to the bathroom just to empty out. Hours of burning, itching, pain. Dinner out turns into hell because the second I eat, I’ve gotta shit again. Alcohol? Gone. Comfort? Gone. My entire life is chained to my asshole and I’m so fucking tired of it.

I don’t fit anywhere. Not at work. Not at home. Not with family. Not with anyone. I’m disposable unless I’m entertaining or useful. Otherwise, I might as well not exist. I screamed so hard yesterday my throat still hurts, but the tears won’t come. Just this heavy weight that keeps me tired and stuck. I’m alive, but not really.

I HATE GOD
He took my friend. Four fucking days before his birthday and graduation. He was supposed to have a life. He was supposed to be here. And I’ve got to stand in church on Saturday pretending to bless my sister’s marriage while inside my head I’m screaming that God is a bastard. And the Bible passage they gave me? About hope. What a sick fucking joke.

And NOW they are repeating, despite my transit agency in increasing frequency and fear hyping FOR THE PAST MONTH, the local news agencies are stating what lines are gonna be cut or reduced. The clinical symptoms of a society dumbed the fuck down into breeding vulgar assholes. I say let Darwin take its course. If Amtrak can't survive off our cutoff pittance, then shut down those lines as well, and if stupid people don't know about the lines, let them be stranded. Their fault for ignorance.