What is something you wish people understood?

I’m 40 years old and I’m drowning in debt and I don’t know what the fuck to do anymore. Like genuinely. I’ve tried. I’ve cut every corner, canceled everything, stopped doing anything remotely “extra.” I don’t go out. I don’t order food. I buy off-brand everything. And I’m STILL behind. Always behind. It’s like I’m running in sand and the tide just keeps rising.

I have bills I haven’t opened in weeks because I already know what they say. FINAL NOTICE. PAST DUE. PAY NOW OR ELSE. Or else what?? You gonna come take my sadness?? You want the air mattress I sleep on?? Be my guest. I’m so tired of living like this. Of waking up in fight or flight mode before I’ve even had coffee.

And the worst part is, I’m not even irresponsible. I didn’t do anything outrageous. I didn’t rack up debt from vacations or designer shit. It’s just life. Groceries. Gas. Rent. A couple emergencies. One missed paycheck turns into months of trying to catch up. I’ve been trying to catch up for YEARS.

And I’m embarrassed. I’m ashamed. I’m 40 and I still feel like a scared-ass 22-year-old who doesn’t know how anything works. I used to have dreams. Now I just wanna survive the week without crying in the parking lot. I don’t even tell anyone how bad it is anymore because they either don’t get it, or they just tell me to “budget better.” As if Excel is gonna magically save my drowning ass.

I don’t want sympathy. I want a fucking break. I want to breathe without the weight of every overdue dollar crushing my chest. I want to not feel like a failure every time I swipe my card and pray it goes through.

I’m just... tired. That’s it. I’m so goddamn tired.

I show up for people who would forget me in a second.

Being a man doesn’t mean I don’t want someone to tell me it’s okay to cry.

My body is changing and I can’t look in the mirror without picking myself apart.

I hate that I still love someone who made me hate myself.

Everyone talks about healing, but no one tells you how lonely it is.

I don’t even know who I am without my anxiety. That’s terrifying.

Why does my mom only call me when she wants something? I’m not her emotional trash can.

I give everything at work and still feel like I’m one mistake away from being replaced.

I wish I could just scream everything I feel without being called “dramatic.”