Ever feel like nobody is listening?

I love God but honestly Im really fed up with the church right now It feels like everywhere I look my friends are just regurgitating the exact same pre-packaged "spiritual" messages they hear at church They even use the same wording and half the time it doesnt even make sense Its just these shallow buzzwords that are supposed to sound "deep" and it makes me question if Im even doing this whole "devout Christian" thing correctly These people are genuinely lovely and some are my closest friends but seriously I cant help but internally roll my eyes constantly

Ugh Im so confused right now I like this one person and Im pretty sure they like me back which is awesome right But then theres this other guy who also likes me Its like what am I supposed to do with all this I have no idea how to sort it out

I'm just so overwhelmed with everything. It feels like I'm constantly apologizing for how stressed I am with my online class. Then my family keeps complaining that I'm not spending enough time with them, always trying to drag me places. It's like they don't get that I'm completely swamped. Honestly, sometimes it all just gets to be too much, and I have these panic attacks where I just cry for hours. Most of the time, all I want to do is sleep because I'm so incredibly stressed about every single thing. And then, on the rare occasion I'm not stressed, I just want to relax. I want to go on Tumblr for a while, just chill, because for once, I'm actually not feeling that crushing weight. It feels like I have to apologize for that too.

Mentally i am Unwell :)

i love RJM sobaddd but i cant tell him i dont have the courage to do it

I just have to stick it out long enough to see one of my favorite bands live in two weeks. After that, who gives a shit, I can end it all

My emotions are so volatile I don't want to tell anyone wants wrong because im going to say the wrong thing and its going to hurt people and I dont want to do that

And if I killed myself who would cry for me? If they love me why do the words mean nothing anymore?

I hate all my repressed emotions and feelings coming out at once I hate it I have this pit in my stomach and I feel awful and it wont go away

I hate himmm ughh what the hell???? Why would he just unfriend me? Huh??? HUH?? What? Was it too embarrassing to have me in ur friends list? There's literally no reason to do it...you scrolled all the way down there to unfriend..? Seriously wth. And it makes me feel crazy because why am I even upset. I hate it, I hate him. Why am I clinging on to absolute garbage, seriously. Where's my self respect?